Masturbation has a reputation not unlike sleep or, you know, vomiting. It’s known for being a natural, instinctive response to our body’s needs at that moment. It’s also about the environment we’re in when those needs arise. (I’d rather be horny and in the company of bf’s peen than horny and alone. But hey, when the urge occurs, I’ll take what I got at the moment.)
However, rubbing one out isn’t as instinctive for some as it is for others.
“It’s almost like I had to learn what to do down there,” my roommate Carrie said of her masturbation practices a few years ago. “I would just touch down there and play around, but I was never satisfied. I would feel small feelings that felt like I was coming, but nothing great.”
And those kinds of feelings mirrored Carrie’s sex life.
“I was with a guy then and it was like the sex was the same way,” she said. “I didn’t really know what I was doing, and if I did feel like I was coming or going to come, it was small.”
But later on, after poking around down there long enough, Carrie and her vagina began to understand each other.
“It wasn’t until about two years ago that I actually picked up on what was working for me,” she said. “I had to f*ck around, for lack of better term, and see what other stuff could do it for me.”
For many women, the clitoris is where it’s at. In fact, the clit is like a jalapeno in a sexy Nacho Supreme; it may be small but it packs a punch and it guarantees a tasty outcome if approached the right way. But when you focus on the small jalapeno, you miss the part that might be equally if not more beneficial: the vagina (no Nacho Bell Grande equivalent, sorry).
Think of the vagina as a jungle (and not the gross, unshaved kind). Whether you’re a man or a woman, you may be inclined to push your way through to the back of the forest where the temple of the cervix resides, as doodling around in this area may bring about an orgasm. However, you might want to make a mental note to stop for a second once you’re back at the entrance. That’s because the upper front wall of the jungle-er, vagina could cause the goodies to erupt as well, notes Nicole Beland in Women’s Health Mag’s “Female Masturbation Tips.”
Some methods encourage involving both of these areas of the vagina together for maximum giggle-time. For instance, tantric sex includes a method wherein you — the man, the strap-on or the dildo — thrust through only an inch or so for several counts and then thrust all the way through on the last count, increasing the count by one thrust every time. In college terms, you “tip it” three times before going “blls deep,” then tip it four times before going balls deep again, then tip it five times for ballsing it up again, and so on and so forth. This allows for both the front and back parts of the vagina to get attention, and what vagina doesn’t want attention? (Am I right or am I right? *elbow nudge)
Though tantric sex didn’t make its way into Carrie’s sex or masturbatory life, learning what worked for her during solo sessions coincided with a new relationship in which her man knew pretty well what he was doing.
“It’s almost like he knew how to get me off better than I did,” she said. “And now I know what an actual, big orgasm really feels like. So on top of stuff I learned on my own, I have new stuff I can try when masturbating that I never thought of. And that sh*t actually works.”
But, Carrie said, new methods weren’t the only influencing factor in her O-chievements.
“I mean, it doesn’t hurt that he has a fcking horse-cck. I mean, come on.”
Like Carrie, learning what works for you and what doesn’t, be it with another partner’s help or with the guidance of your own two fingers, is necessary to a fulfilling sex life, because when you don’t know what your ‘gina wants, it causes frustration for everybody (and every ‘gina). But don’t bank on Carrie’s luck; horse-c*ck may or may not be included.
Racing to the finish line,
Stella
